I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing
(except your awful wedding song)
by Rob Bensen

As spring approaches, regular INsite readers (especially those in their mid 20s to mid 30s) are probably staring at calendars replete with Saturdays booked for months on end with a stream of weddings. On one hand, the nuptials of close friends and family are eagerly awaited with joy. However those always seem to be outnumbered by those of barely casual acquaintances extending invites solely to secure another soon-to-be forgotten Sharper Image chotchke off the registry while simultaneously hoping that the guests don’t max out the open bar tab. Not surprisingly, those aren’t quite as hotly anticipated. In these days of “Save-the-Dates” printed years in advance, frighteningly detailed websites like theknot.com, and impeccable emulation of celebrity weddings, many of us are sapped by following a week of work with having to travel to a destination wedding, get overdressed in the heat, and engage in small talk with ancient aunts and uncles we’ve never met that are on the march to death.

Not to wish ill, but eventually at the end of a year’s worth of weddings all of these events blend together unless something amazing or embarrassing happens. The dresses look beautiful but are eventually indecipherable. The same photos are taken in the same gardens. Everyone gets drunk off the same champagne and barring a memorable hookup, fight, or best man’s speech that goes awry an entire series of unions just mesh together as we watch friends and families flock to the suburbs. Granted, we know that weddings are for both the parents and the bride. That’s fine and it’s understandable, but it shouldn’t necessarily mean those of us getting married should subject our loved ones to these ultra-similar cookie-cutter weddings. Playing it safe is what pleases the families, especially the elders, and that’s important and why we take thousands of pictures and serve the same chicken and fish options. But to blow away your friends; to impress them beyond the courteous niceties they’re going to give you anyway, you’re going to have to stand out. And since this is a music column, I can tell you that the song you pick for your first dance is your best chance to set yourself apart from the hordes rushing their decisions and dancing to Etta James’ At Last as though they were the first to think of it.

Now I’ve been to many weddings and can honestly say that I’ve thought exactly two first dance choices impressed me. Not coincidentally these were two of the best receptions I’ve ever been to. A couple that thinks outside of the box on their musical choices is going to have a unique gathering, different and often great food, an eclectic mix of people, and is going to be remembered long after the duo that shuffles through some anesthetic Norah Jones ballad, serves a tiny filet mignon, and then divorces three years later. We’re young. Music matters, style matters, and picking something cool is going to leave an impression with everyone. Worrying that choosing a song written after 1965 might upset the relatives from the old country is counter-productive. Your friends are going to hate it; the energy will plummet, people are going to be sitting and chatting rather than having fun on the dance floor and it’s not going to be the memorable day you deserve. Hell, take a chance and fear not, your aunt and uncle from Russia are still going to write you that nice check you’re counting on even if you dance to Outkast.

However that’s not to imply that picking any modern song is the key to success. How many couples yearly dance to In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel? Would you respect them? Could you even stay friends with people so afraid to take a chance? Did all of these couples see Say Anything on their first date and have that become their song or do they just have no imagination? What you pick should matter to both of you. You could have met at an American Idol party and choose to dance to a Jordin Sparks song. Sure people will chuckle at first, but they’ll appreciate your confidence and by the end of the night you’re going to have a party to remember.